Am I lovable?
“Will someone love me? Will they keep loving me?”
There are people in this world who are quite comfortable with self-love and self-acceptance. It is really a gift. They give importance to themselves, their thoughts and feelings. They take care of themselves better. They are less afraid of showing up in their authenticity. They do things with a whole lot of confidence, even though wrong at times. Of course, they have no issues accepting affections from people, and there is actually always somebody falling for them. They truly believe that they deserve affection and love from the world. We may also label them self-centered and selfish, and it might be true for some people.
But I, wasn’t one of such gifted people, especially in romance. Whenever I chased the person that I liked, deep down I wasn’t really believing that I will ever receive that same amount of affection ever. Or a tleast, I thought I would have to ‘win’ the person with a lot of affection first, otherwise why would she even like me? Of course, after I hit the puberty, I spent most of my life in lack of a romantic affair, and always chasing somebody.
Not any longer than two years ago, that started to change. Yes, psychotherapy helps if rightly done. My focus started to shift from what others wanted from me — to what I want for myself, and romance was on the top of priorities as I recall. So like the nerd as I am, I literally started researching on it. I asked these questions back then:
1) What makes me attractive?
2) Why am I the one always approaching my crushes, and not the other way around?
3) What can I do to make myself attractive — body, style, sense of humor, an interesting personality?
4) How can I get this attractive woman to fall for me?
Obviously, I was thinking that attraction is all there is, and that’s the base of all relationships. Now I know that this whole thing is a lot bigger. And again if you notice, in these questions, I am still focusing on what others wanted from me — what others thought would be attractive in me. But anyways, the main question was,
“How will someone like me, how will someone love me?”
- That question led me to a long journey of self-improvement, coaching and eventually of self-knowledge.
Today I know certain things:
1) Basically what all sane people long for, is an authentic connection.
2) I am attractive as much as I believe I am attractive, with all my gifts and faults.
3) I can NEVER make a particular person love me romantically, unless they really want it deep down.
4) All I really want for myself is to be loved, and to love someone, completely — emotionally, physically, spiritually, and whatever other -allies.
5) All I can I do, is to love myself, as much as I can, accept myself, as I am. Believe that I am worthy of affection, love and care, and I won’t be lied to in this regard.
6) I will receive love from others as much as I love myself.
I realized,
Loving myself is really the key.
Not only it constructed the base of romance for me, it really changed all aspects of my life — career and success, social interactions, happiness and satisfaction, pleasure, and a lot more.
The video I made a couple months ago is all about that.
For more stories, videos and pictures, go to http://livethelifeyoulove.in — a project that I started to share what helped me live the life that I love.
